I actually had one of my coworkers answer my plea for guidance in the weight room, so this morning we did some dumbbell things and he showed me around the weight machines, demonstrating how to adjust them (that was the crucial piece I was missing– I have longish legs and shortish arms and every time I tried to use them before it was wonky and I was bending weird ways). So we did a circuit around the machines and stretched and it was really nice. I will probably be pretty sore tomorrow.
Tangentially… I feel like I’ve lost a buffer now that I’m single again. When my status was “in a relationship” (as they say on the facebooks) I could interact freely with my male coworkers and there was no weirdness because I was not “available”. Now I sometimes feel like I have to walk on eggshells to avoid being perceived as a “man-seeking missile” (scare quotes everywhere!) who is on the prowl, rather than just a woman interacting normally with men. Even out in public where no one knows if I have a boyfriend or not, I feel exposed and vulnerable. I don’t know why having a boyfriend who isn’t even nearby would make me feel differently, or make other people treat me differently. There’s some connection to the concept of woman as property/territory/something to possess here, and I’m not happy about the way *I* am reacting to this.