I was able to go to my Friday yoga class today. I was sure this was a good thing; I was cranky and kind of stressed and distracted and I though it would calm me down. And… well, it didn’t– which isn’t its fault! It did, however, serve as a wake-up call that my body is not really like the other bodies and I’m going to have to work harder at modifying things to get what I need to get out of it. That sounds vague, and it is, mostly because I don’t have words– like, if legs are supposed to be crossed and knees stacked and both butt sides are supposed to be on the floor, what do I need to do if they aren’t? I always feel pressure to conform in class, to show that I can do the same things as all the other bendy yoga bodies. And the instructor always acknowledges this, says things like “make sure you’re free of expectations, make sure you’re doing what’s right for your body today”. It’s still sinking in for me.
I knew I was in trouble at the end of the class doing corpse and the teacher was doing her soothing patter and I was all agitated and her talking was distracting and I wanted to shout SHUT UP! at her. I fail at shavasana.