Tight legs and triggers

J and I spent our ritual Tuesday time in the weight room. I stuck to upper body and core stuff and gave my legs a break. It’s interesting how my body reconfigures itself to deal with a new set of stresses. When I was doing my machine lifting workout, the shoulder press gave me problems– in the middle of the lifting motion there was some kind of muscular change-up that my arms/back had a really tough time with. I gave it a try today at the old weight, and the lift was pretty easy and smooth as butter– no muscular hitch anymore. I guess I’ve strengthened whatever muscle was lacking.

After the lifting I had a date with the foam roller. My quads are very angry today, and they protested mightily at being rollered out. (That bit above the knee– whew!) I also spent some time with the back of my legs and opening up my hips (the hip yoga series over at Anytime Yoga has been really helpful for this, it’s a very tight spot for me.) Maybe someday I’ll be able to not have my legs tighten up like a Shrinkydink after runs.

There’s this blog that I love called Fit and Feminist— the author writes about the intersection of fitness and feminism with a focus on running and strength, and it’s really great. (She wrote an anniversary post that I really liked.) But. (You knew there was a but.) I have the hardest time reading this blog without being triggered to start thinking about weight loss again. It’s not the blog author’s fault– she’s a thin woman, but she writes about Health At Every Size and body acceptance too. I just have a hard time– I feel like these other people are doing cool things that I want to do too! But I’m not there. How am I different from these other people? Oh, right, I’m fat… maybe if I was smaller I could work on running marathons… And it all spirals down from there into self-loathing. I suppose my brain just sees “fitspo”, even if it’s inclusive fitspo, and goes nuts. She might not be weight-loss oriented, but plenty of her commenters are I guess… when I read comments like “I miss being as strong as I was when I was bigger, when I was bigger I had to work hard and I never had ‘easy runs'” I just want to cry.

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2 Responses to Tight legs and triggers

  1. Caitlin says:

    Oh, no! Your post gave me a huge sadface. I mean, yay, I’m happy that you like my blog, but it makes me sad that it’s a conflicting experience for you. You know, when I read your words, I wanted to say that you can do those cool things, too, and that you don’t have to lose weight, but I realize that it’s probably not very helpful to hear that. So I wish I could show you all of the ladies I’ve seen at triathlons and duathlons and yes, even marathons, who are not thin and yet who are out there killing it anyway. You can totally do it, but I know you’ve got extra obstacles against doing it that I don’t experience. I just wish there was some way I could help you feel confident in your ability to go do the things you want to do.

    • G says:

      Aww, I didn’t mean to cause a sadface! I’m glad you came to comment though. I appreciate the encouragement. :) I’ll keep working on being tough and see what I can do!

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