Rough day

I went to the gym today and worked up the courage to talk to the gym attendant about what happened in and after Friday’s class. She asked me what happened in class and how I felt after, and took down a report that she said she’d give to the yoga instructor. I guess I wasn’t sure what I was trying to achieve by complaining. I didn’t feel any better after speaking to her– in fact, I felt worse. But maybe someone will learn from it.

I’m still in no shape to run (the short walks of my morning commute wore me out, even) so I grabbed a foam roller and tried to work out some of the soreness in my muscles– and promptly dissolved into tears. It’s not that the foam roller hurt– it was twingey, but not bad– but I just felt awful, frustrated and angry and sad and inadequate. So, roll and cry, roll and cry.

(tw: awful self-talk ahead!) Maybe this is all my fault. Because I am fat and weak. I couldn’t keep up in class because I am out of shape. The teacher said we need to engage our core– who am I kidding, I don’t have a core, I have a nasty flabby gut. No wonder I hurt myself. It doesn’t matter how hard I work, I’ll never be good at this.

All right, enough of that. Hoping my day will get better from here.

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About G

I'm running while fat. And learning other fun ways to honor my body.
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4 Responses to Rough day

  1. tucking_fwit says:

    I am very fit but I recently slacked off on doing lower back exercises during my core and strength training sessions. I paid the price when I put my back out and was in bad pain for several weeks, struggling to bend and to get up from sitting. Lesson learned. It doesn’t matter whether you are overweight or not if you neglect certain areas when training or overdo other training, you pay the price.

  2. Tori says:

    Maybe this is all my fault.

    Without wanting to talk about this as something where “blame” necessarily applies, from your descriptions, it sounds like your teacher didn’t provide an accommodation for folks for whom these particular exercises might be contraindicated — and that is something I think instructors have a responsibility to include.

    • G says:

      Thanks Tori, I was hoping you’d chime in!
      From the teacher, I got the impression that it was supposed to be a very difficult and repetitive movement and we were supposed to eventually reach a place where we were beyond discomfort? It may be something specific to a kundalini yoga practice; it was nothing like any sort of yoga I’d ever practiced before.
      You know… this was the same teacher that gave me shit for using a block during pigeon and I’ve never seen her give variations for anyone in class except pregnant women…

      • Tori says:

        … and we were supposed to eventually reach a place where we were beyond discomfort?

        I can’t speak for this particular teacher, but I know that yoga teacher trainings in general tend to have a lack of emphasis on anatomy, physiology, and exercise science (usually in order to include some discussion of history, philosophy, and subtle body systems). There are some standard and continuing ed teacher trainings that include more of it, and there are some instructors who seek it out on their own — but there are also those who do not.

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