Today’s run was, frankly, awful. Not because it was oppressively swampy, and slow, and filled with walk breaks and sore calves, but because I felt awful. It was a solid 40 minutes of battling the impulse to self-harm and that was miserable.
More and more lately I’ve been struggling with overwhelming feelings and, well, it’s getting pretty old. It seems like at least a couple days every week are like this. I know that stress is one of my worst triggers, and my stress level is ramping up (thanks, work) so it shouldn’t surprise me.
I keep thinking that exercise will help mitigate the feelings, but it’s definitely not enough. ("Maybe I should just exercise MORE!" No, that is a bad idea.) It probably wouldn’t hurt for me to seek guidance from a doctor or therapist.
And you know, aside from the heat and humidity it was really lovely outside and I feel crappy for being so miserable during my run. The houses had roses blooming in their yards and verges full of clover that smelled amazing. Everything was beautiful and I couldn’t appreciate it at all.