Boundary mangling

Today was another fantastic lifting day– I went in for squats, bench and row and got all my sets done easily at 175/115/90. Bench went better than I’d expected, given that I just increased the weight last week. I did my sets a little bit fast and that made it easier to finish them all. Next week I’ll put 120lb on there and go back to struggling. I finished up my workout with an extracurricular 50lb each hand farmer’s walk across the gym. One of the staff members likes to cheer me on while I’m walking– he’s like "Yeah! Farmer’s walk! Get that grip!" It’s pretty amusing.

(tw:diet talk) The drama around that stupid book continues; I talked to my mom this morning (she also received a copy) and she tried to reassure me that I didn’t need to diet– apparently as a mom, she’s supposed to tell me that my body is acceptable enough that surely I would find such a suggestion offensive (though I’m actually offended by the shitty book, not by the suggestion that I ought to diet). She knows I’ve given up on dieting and dieting culture entirely. It was an odd conversation.

I see my extended family, aunts, uncles and cousins, maybe twice or three times a year– I live halfway across the country from them– and yet when things blow up they’re the source of so much unrest in my life. Maybe it’s because I see them so rarely and I want to maintain a good but maybe distant relationship. I always feel a lot of pressure to smooth things over. On the other hand, I’m glad I don’t live closer so they aren’t all up in my life (which they very much disapprove of)… 95% of the time I live my life without feeling scrutiny, but that 5% is intense and I really hate it.

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3 Responses to Boundary mangling

  1. Gingerzingi says:

    OMG! She gave YOUR MOTHER the diet book too? It sounds like she’s a fanatic convert and wants to share the great news with everyone. *Maybe* it’s possible to view it in that light? That however misguided, she’s doing something that she honestly believes is positive and beneficial?

    I dunno. One time I shared a book with my brother, that I thought perfectly addressed the specific dysfunctionality of my family and was very helpful to me, and he was hugely offended by it. I don’t know if that’s the case with your aunt, but I know from my own experience that one can have good intentions that backfire. Now I know better than to offer unsolicited psychological advice to people! Like I’m doing here!

    OK time to wrap this up.

    • G says:

      Well, the aunt in question is my mom’s sister and they’re close so I don’t think it’s that weird. However, there’s no doubt that my aunt is totally a cult follower of this book, and she really thinks she’s helping us. (I wonder if this is more common to very religious people, that they think it’s ok to get all up in other people’s biz because they want to ‘help’?) She lost quite a bit of weight and says she feels great, but she doesn’t eat what her husband and 3 teenage boys eat; she cooks twice (they say they hate her diet food, too).

      Your story reminds me of the ‘can lead a horse to water, but can’t make it drink’ metaphor, except sometimes we want to just start throwing the water at the horse because IT’S GOOD FOR THEM THEY NEED WATER! I’m as guilty of this as anyone!

      On the other hand, that’s what this blog is for, talking stuff out. So advise away! I don’t mind. :)

  2. Pingback: 2015 Recap | Running While Fat

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