Massive self-doubt

All right body, I get it. Just stop already. Right now I’m recovering from the flu; it seems to be one of those one-day monsters but it was one of the scarier illnesses I’ve had in a while– starting my day with passing out in the bathroom at 6am was super fun. (My partner was so worried that he stayed home from work to keep an eye on me– which I feel bad about because he’s really busy.) I got the flu vaccine dangit! This wasn’t supposed to haaaaappen.

Anyway, I’m staring down the final 50% of my 5k training plan and not feeling very good about it. I guess February wasn’t that bad, but between the weather and getting sick… repeatedly… I feel like my training isn’t on track. And I’m starting to worry about things like… what if I don’t do better this year, what if I do worse? Should I even bother to sign up?

I guess this is the downside of hating to race and racing only once a year: I hold it up as the ultimate measure of my athletic progress. I’m stressing the heck out over a 5k when it’s really only a small piece. Is it normal to feel like one race is measuring your worth as a person? Sigh.

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About G

I'm running while fat. And learning other fun ways to honor my body.
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2 Responses to Massive self-doubt

  1. adnohr says:

    I’m having a similar issue. I was extremely ill for most of last year and started running again in November after surgery & recovery to fix those issues. It’s been hard, because I lost pretty much all of my muscle mass while sick, and juuust as I was starting to really feel motivated again to kick it into gear, I got a cold that I’ve yet to completely shake, thanks to lots of stress (and some stupidity on my part but I LOVE THE SNOW SO MUCH.)

    I’m basically to the point where I’m not planning to race this year even though the race I *would* do is in September and I’ve got plenty of time to get back to a more comfortable pace.

    I think you should go for it! Even if you don’t do better – or do worse – it won’t have an impact on your value as a human OR as a runner. In my person opinion, as a total stranger :)

    • G says:

      I think you’re right– it’s just going to be a challenge to disentangle myself from the results. Good luck with your recovery!

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