My own expectations

I wrote a big rant here and just deleted it all. In short, I’m feeling overcommitted and under-supported right now, and under a large amount of stress– half of it from dealing with my partner (who is giving me 0% right now probably because he’s at -100% himself) and half of it from myself and my own expectations of what I am capable of doing and what I "ought" to do. I’m just dead tired of taking care of people.

My job is fantastically, blessedly flexible, so I have room to add a little slack there, and I have been, just for sanity’s sake. But it pisses me off– basically my partner’s work is stealing from mine. Fun.

I went to the gym this morning and that was a bright spot– I treadmilled 3 miles in 34:34, with nice negative splits. My hamstrings were really tight, but it didn’t seem to make too much of a difference. I had some stupid show about rich people buying houses in front of my face and I didn’t have to think about anything but keeping my legs moving.

I had a houseguest last weekend (which I now regret) and we have people coming over this Saturday too (and more family plans on Sunday). I miss the time when I could, like, ask for help vacuuming. Usually I cook, and since there are 2 birthdays I would make a cake. But I’m pretty much ready to throw a bag of bread and a jar of peanut butter and grocery store cupcakes on the table. The stupid thing is, everyone would be perfectly happy with that… Help I am collapsing under the weight of my own expectations.

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About G

I'm running while fat. And learning other fun ways to honor my body.
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3 Responses to My own expectations

  1. Sue-Ann says:

    I’m having a very similar day. My coping mechanism was a takeaway burger, a huge glass of wine and a bubble bath… although first I took the inner rage out on my house cleaning, I’m not domesticated and hate cleaning, but tonight I found it rather therapeutic! Hang in there, I know it’s corny, but “this too shall pass”

    • G says:

      Thanks. When it rains, it pours: more stuff happened at home (our AC is catastrophically busted) and so we’ve cancelled the get-together on Saturday so I’m off the hook now. It’s an odd kind of relief (but hot!)

  2. Pingback: 2015 Recap | Running While Fat

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