I wrote a big rant here and just deleted it all. In short, I’m feeling overcommitted and under-supported right now, and under a large amount of stress– half of it from dealing with my partner (who is giving me 0% right now probably because he’s at -100% himself) and half of it from myself and my own expectations of what I am capable of doing and what I "ought" to do. I’m just dead tired of taking care of people.
My job is fantastically, blessedly flexible, so I have room to add a little slack there, and I have been, just for sanity’s sake. But it pisses me off– basically my partner’s work is stealing from mine. Fun.
I went to the gym this morning and that was a bright spot– I treadmilled 3 miles in 34:34, with nice negative splits. My hamstrings were really tight, but it didn’t seem to make too much of a difference. I had some stupid show about rich people buying houses in front of my face and I didn’t have to think about anything but keeping my legs moving.
I had a houseguest last weekend (which I now regret) and we have people coming over this Saturday too (and more family plans on Sunday). I miss the time when I could, like, ask for help vacuuming. Usually I cook, and since there are 2 birthdays I would make a cake. But I’m pretty much ready to throw a bag of bread and a jar of peanut butter and grocery store cupcakes on the table. The stupid thing is, everyone would be perfectly happy with that… Help I am collapsing under the weight of my own expectations.