Well, my day started early today: I wasn’t able to fall asleep last night until very late, and then after a fitful night I was up at 4am. My alarm was set for 4:50, but what good would lying there awake for nearly an hour do? At 5:30 I was out the door, driving to work (I have a dentist appointment later today, so I needed the car). I caught the very last of the good traffic– the HOV lane restrictions start at 6, so that’s when everything starts to tangle– and arrived at work at 6.
The plus side of being at work early on a Monday is that I could make it to yoga class. It was nice practicing with this instructor again, I really like him. Today we focused in on hips and hamstrings (longest pyramid pose ever). It was a good class, but I never really got my mind to quiet down.
Today is an hard day. It’s the 25th anniversary of my brother’s death. It happened when I was so young and was such a massive, formative experience in my life. I’m sort of torn between wanting to sit and think about it and wanting to put it aside. Putting it aside is easier and would let me get some work done today, but I’m sure it’ll bubble up before long.
I’m also debating if I ought to call my mom. Honestly I don’t want to. I called her a few days ago, and I’m flying out to visit them this weekend anyway so it’s not like I’m out of contact. I feel like I should try to be supportive or something but I still hold a lot of bitterness about having to parent-parent and not having anyone to care for me years ago, and the last thing I feel like doing is spending today’s precious strength on someone else.
Sorry, this is a lot of emotion to pack into some random post on a fitness blog so I think I’ll leave it there for now. I read a great post on tumblr this morning about grief and how to be supportive… it reminded me of all the ridiculous, desperate ways people tried to rationalize tragedy to 11-year-old me (which I now hold as examples of what not to do). Things to think about…