Today’s training session was 3 miles fast. I guess it was successful– I banged it out on the treadmill in 34:27, and it felt awful. Despite repeating the mantras of "just X more minutes" and "it’s not supposed to be easy" it still took a lot of effort to hang on and get it done. Tomorrow I have 5 more miles to run, at least those can be slow (and they definitely will be, my legs are tired).
My work division has a meeting today at 12, which the boss-person has declared a "lunch meeting" due to the time. God, I hate lunch meetings. A small part of it is because I prefer my lunch to be a somewhat social break from work, but 95% of my dislike for lunch meetings is because I suffer from misophonia triggered mostly by eating noises, and the idea of sitting in a quiet conference people with 15 people chewing with their mouths open makes me want to jump out a window.
And misophonia is such a weird thing and comes up so often in social situations, how can I say to my friends and colleagues, "The sounds you make when you eat cause me extreme emotions which leads me to thoughts of self-harm for distraction"? I mean, the weirdness is in me, it’s not anything they do intentionally, my reaction is the problem and I can’t expect people to change their behavior (though it sure would be polite if they’d chew with mouths closed). Sometimes I can GTFO, sometimes I have to sit there and deal with it.
I’m thankful my partner understands (and even puts up with the Death Glare I sometimes aim in his direction at dinnertime). I don’t really talk about it with anyone else. It really is a Thing, it’s reasonably common, and we’re not faking it…
I totally believe you. I had SEVERE misophonia when I was a teenager and the sound of chewing or swallowing filled me with rage. I’d never heard that word before and thought I was just suffering through the prickliness of adolescence. Fortunately it lessened and then disappeared over time, so maybe there is a hope yours will eventually go away. In the meantime, spoons only for you – no pointy implements!
And you know what else? I have that same reaction to vocal fry or so-called “creaky voice.” It’s absolutely intolerable to me, and I do not exaggerate when I say intolerable. Some meetings or lectures are total hell. I know the issue has been framed as a feminist point recently, that it’s a way of silencing young women. Well, obviously I totally disagree with that, but I will say that I would silence every young woman on the whole planet if it meant I never had to hear that again.
Which I don’t mean as an example of what a terrible person I am, but as an example of how real misophonia is. But maybe I’m terrible too :-)
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