no blue line

Wednesday morning hurry-up workout: 30 minutes on the treadmill, 2.55 miles according to my thingum. It felt like a tough run; I kept pushing the treadmill faster for as long as I could manage. My new shoes are still feeling good, yay.

My period is like a week late. It’s never late. Naturally I had the kind of panic probably every woman is familiar with and pulled out a pregnancy test this morning (doesn’t we all keep one stashed just in case?) but it came out negative. (It would be nearly statistically impossible for me to be pregnant now, but that doesn’t stop the worrying.)

My husband and I have been very much on the fence about kids. I’ve always felt like my ambivalence about children is more or less a sign that I shouldn’t have them. I don’t dislike kids, and I’d be curious to see what would happen, but a child isn’t an experiment that I can bail on if I decide it’s not for me. We both have heritable mental health issues, too, but on that front I feel like we could be more supportive parents than our own parents had been. And though both of us grew up pretty poor to very young parents and that definitely colored our views, we’re reasonably comfortable now and have the means to take care of a child.

So I guess where I’m going is that if there was a blue line, it would be a shock– but, for my husband and me, it would be a manageable shock and we’d adapt.

On the other hand, if my period is just super super late for no reason I’m not going to complain much because then it should totally miss next month’s travel.

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2 Responses to no blue line

  1. Gingerzingi says:

    Back in the day when I could have become pregnant (my husband had a vasectomy at an unusually early age) they didn’t have home pregnancy tests. You counted days and worried and prayed, and then you had to go to a GYN to find out. The good old days indeed.

    I’m childless by choice, and have never regretted it for a moment. I never wanted children, *ever*, and it’s directly attributable to my own childhood. That said, in my ancient wisdom I recognize that sometimes the things you don’t plan for end up being very important parts of life. If we could control every single aspect of our lives, make every minute detail exactly the way we want, we’d miss out on a lot of cool stuff, because a single brain just doesn’t have enough imagination to anticipate everything and know how we would react to the reality of an event.

    Dang I hope that made sense :-) I guess I’m trying to say, it’s cool if you have kids, cool if you don’t.

    I DO NOT miss having periods AT ALL. I actually own white sheets now.

    • G says:

      I think it’s finally starting, two weeks late. TMI, sorry!

      I never realized that home pregnancy tests were a more recent invention. Can’t imagine not being able to find out without going to the doctor!

      I know several older couples who are childless by choice, and maybe I’m painting with a broad brush, but– they seem to have maintained the kind of life that I’ve always envisioned myself having, with travel and hobbies and lifetime learning and close social groups, the sorts of things you’d probably have to give up with the time and money demands of children. And best of all, the couples seem to have kept really close romantic relationships with each other. It sounds like you might be in the same boat :)

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