As regular readers know, Wednesdays are always tough days for me to fit a workout in. I’ve tried a few methods to try to help– earlier arrivals, commuting in my gym clothes, flexible scheduling. Today I did none of those and, thanks to a delayed train, I wound up with only 20 minutes of workout available. Thanks to yesterday’s lifting and Angry Calf, I spent that time toodling on the elliptical. Not really a satisfying workout, but it was something I guess.
My friend’s gone through a bad breakup, and I’m meeting her tonight for dinner. Immediately after the breakup she reached out to me and wanted to talk. Several years ago, my husband and I went through a bad breakup ourselves, and she was wondering how we "fixed" the relationship and got back together.
Except if she wants to compare her current situation to ours and get some empathy as the aggrieved breakup-ee, she’s talking to the wrong person. I broke up with Consort for a very good reason, and we spent months dating other people. I only came around when I’d spent enough time with myself to have a sense of what I wanted and realized that none of those other folks were it, and then I gradually contacted Consort again. There was no "fixing" until we’d both had a good long time to think. Once we decided to see each other again, then we could work on it.
(I sure do have some fun stories from the break; I had a lot of stuff to work out and did that by going out every night, drinking at shows, being uh kinda crazy. Which taught me that Consort wasn’t going to be everything and I needed to have friends of my own and go out and do the things that I wanted to do even if he didn’t want to)
And if I’m being blunt (she doesn’t read this blog!) I’d say her ex is a pathological liar who runs for the hills every time her life presents her with a challenge. This guy lies because he thinks it’s funny (dealbreaker for me!) And the last time he broke up with her it was because her family member had died and she’d asked for more emotional support from him; this time she’d lost her lease and said "we should move in together" and he said "no, let’s break up instead".
Anyway, my friend is a lovely person who is kind and super fun to be with and she deserves better. So my wise old married lady (lol) advice is going to be something like, spend some time re-discovering the people and activities you love and have neglected to spend more time with the ex. Lean on your friends (there are so many!); let them drag you out to do fun stuff. Don’t be afraid to spend time alone, and remember how nice that is. Invest time in yourself and the people who care about you. Date around, casually! have some new experiences with new people. And let the future unfold how it unfolds, unforced; enjoy today as much as you can.