Sticking to the plan

Well, I guess I took the path of cramming all 5 workouts for the week into M-F. Because why not. I have some small satisfaction about not skipping anything, at least, and I don’t have to worry about it this weekend.

Therefore, 5 boring treadmill miles this morning. I had Discovery channel on instead of HGTV and I’m going back to HGTV next time; Gold Rush is a profoundly unentertaining show. It’s good mental game practice though; doing something mildly unpleasant and completely unstimulating for a solid hour builds grit.

I’m still having a hard time with everything, especially work; my morale these days is in the toilet. I can’t tell if it’s because work is stupid or if it’s my mood. It might be both! It’s the time of the year where we’re supposed to set goals and it’s making me so angry because I feel like I don’t have any control over the things that I’m supposed to be driving. Just this week I heard about another big change, they’re shutting down a functionality that we need for a project. No one asked me about it– or even bothered to tell me it was happening (I found out about it because someone came into my cube and asked, "What’s the deal with X?" like I should’ve known).

Uncertainty gives me hives and everything is uncertain around here. And it doesn’t matter how hard I work and how much planning I do, the rug keeps getting pulled out from under me. It is intensely frustrating.

And because it’s a bad time of year for me (thanks, anniversary grief) I can’t tell if all these feelings are rational or not. How upset should I be? I don’t know.

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2 Responses to Sticking to the plan

  1. Gingerzingi says:

    Ugh. Sorry you’re having a rough time. I love the way your work is exactly like my work – I guess there’s a certain universality to it all. I always thought Tolstoy had it backward: it’s the unhappy families that are the same. Work being sort of like a family.

    This year my boss wrote all of our goals for us. They aren’t customized, though, they are ALL the same goals for everyone. So they’re very vague and don’t have any actual milestones or achievements. Not sure how that’s supposed to work when it’s review time…

    • G says:

      Well if your work is anything like mine, everyone will be assigned a score of 72/100. If we rewarded high performers, our average score will be too high! Therefore everyone is mediocre.

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