Good stuff first:  workouts are going great. Saturday I crammed in a lifting workout before we headed to our friends’ house for game day, and today I did another and followed that up with some cardio– snow shoveling. I’m still following the coffee-Japanese lesson-workout routine in the morning and the habits are becoming nice and sticky.

However, my mood is not so good lately. Maybe it’s having time to think, maybe it’s some processing I need to do but have been avoiding, maybe I just don’t do so well when I’m isolated at home all the time, maybe I’ve lost some purpose/satisfaction since I haven’t been working. Whatever it is, my monsters are looming more closely than usual.

re: processing – I saw my grandparents over Christmas and they’re not doing so well. My grandpa was diagnosed with Alzheimers disease and he’s going downhill very fast, he’s a totally different person since the last time I saw him. I’ve been lucky to have them in my life for so long, I know lots of people lose their grandparents early. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for being a “bad granddaughter”, I hate the phone so I don’t call, I wrote them letters for a little while but my grandma’s losing her eyesight so she can’t read them anymore. I live far away and hardly see them, and there’s nothing I can do to help. It’s terrifying to think that the next time I see my grandpa he might be gone, and I didn’t do enough.

Yep, that’s definitely something I need to process. It keeps popping into my head at night and I always push it away so I don’t obsess and keep myself up.

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1 Response to Avoidance

  1. Julie says:

    You should call if they can talk on the phone. It’s hard to be far away but if the phone works for them then do it. My dad has dementia and he likes to get phone calls!

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